Issue #27
“Your galaxy, your gossip - Coming at ya!”
In the most outrageous act of violence Desray Station has seen in decades, Lunar Councilman Rufus Snugglesworth, 43, of Alpha Dome, was shot in cold blood while touring the Sky Garden. An un-identified assassin who was later killed in crossfire from security forces, reportedly opened fire on Snugglesworth while he was talking to a garden curator about organizing charitable benefit. (The curator, who has requested to remain anonymous, also was shot, but is reportedly now in stable condition.) The investigation as to the motive and means behind the assassination continues. Mr. Snugglesworth is survived by his wife, Donna, 23, and his two children from a previous marriage, Maria, 8, and Stewart, 19. Outside of politics, he was a major supporter of the Luna Soccer Club and the Children's Disability Fund. Memorial services will be held on Alpha Dome this weekend. In lieu of flowers, the family has requested charitable donations.
If you have ever dreamed of “owning” your own piece of space (and have a pretty big wallet), get in line! Whispers on the stock market revealed to our source that CEO Peter Semilon of the Amazonia Investment Group is shopping around buy-out offers. Currently, the Amazonia Investment Group funds most of the Amazon's administrative, colonial and exploratory initiatives. Semilon's representative denied that the group is facing bankruptcy and would not comment on the names of potential new owners, even though it is rumored that Semilon met last week with Rostislav Ansgar, CEO of InterCore. Stay tuned.
We at the Comet are proud to bring you a new twist on live-action journalism. This week, our intrepid reporting duo, Stockton and Avery, have visited Epiphyte City and prepared a travel log. Here are the out-takes:
A slide show of holo-images plays across the screen, showing a middle aged male beagel (Stockton) and his companion, Avery (chubby smaller and younger orange tabby).
STOCKTON reports: .“Market Street is the center of life here in Epiphyte.”
«camera shows Avery standing next to a ceramics vendor cart, smiling and waving while the rat woman behind him looks incredibly pissed.»
“Anything you desire to find, you can find! And prices are more reasonable than any beach resort.”
«two buyers loudly haggling over the price of silk cloth; Avery tries on a pink sarong and gives a thumbs up until Stockton *ahems*»
“Lopangan cuisine is highly diverse, but spicy food rules this desert city. We go now for lunch to Paco's Chili Parlor, a favorite among locals.”
«Stockton and Avery sit at a booth with plates of steaming food while Stockton speaks:»
“Avery here, has volunteered to try the six shooter beans and the green chili chowder, which is actually much, much hotter than regular red chili, which I have here.”
«Avery takes a spoonful of chowder in his mouth and almost instantaneously gags and spits, leaving the front Stockton's shirt covered! Avery grabs for a glass of water and chugs frantically»
*jumpcut* «In a tense voice, Stockton tries to resume his narrative, while wiping his shirt with a handkerchief. The duo stands near the New River Bridge> “If you can't take the heat, a popular place to cool off is the Hapi River!
«camera shows an obese coyote hobo living in a van parked at the river bank; the van door is ajar while the coyote snores loudly, taking his siesta in his underwear. »
.”The Hapi river provides Epiphyte with excellent irrigation options, even enough to support its exotic horticulture industry“
«Inside a greenhouse, Avery screams as he's captured by creeping vines».
“However, a more practical use is grazing rights - citizens who possess goats and other livestock are entitled to water their animals here during the day.
«Two small otter children sit on the riverbank, laughing at Avery, who is being chased and horn-prodded by a renegade goat»
“The Kemetic Church has maintain its presence in the city, offering the temple for private meditation when not in use
«The duo walk up the stone approach; Avery trips on the rug and smacks into a temple guard!»
“Until next time, don't be afraid to get out there and experience the adventure, Live-Action style!”
«Stockton and a wet Avery wave from outside the city gates, until a dirt bike narrowly misses running them over»
What is it with bacon and nerds? You've already heard about the bacon bra and the “BA-KA 47, but this story takes the cake, er, suet. A third-year Inarian Tech student, screwed unsalted bacon fat cubes to a keyboard hooked up to his “Tweeter” account, then left it outside for the birds. Suffice it to say, the outcome has led to some very profound avian digressions, but our editor would be fired for taking up space with them.
The “OG. Neptune” submarine was scheduled to pass through Caolan's Inlet en route to the Isle of Essylt has gone missing. IDF Oceanguard Captain Norjean has issued the following statement: “The Ocean Guard has already dispatched air and sea search crews. We last received transmission from the Neptune at approximately 0700 RST. The waters of Caolan's Inlet are known for treacherous currents and sudden storm swells, but usually underwater vessels fare much better in such conditions than surface ships. The Neptune carries a crew of 15; their families are being airlifted to the Rymn Isles. Conspiracy theorists are already speculating that the Neptune is another victim of “Caolan's Curse.” Caolan's Curse is often blamed for the mysterious disappearances and phantasmic sightings at sea around the Rymn Isles. We say, stay tuned!
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